


armour down

by atmospherical



Category: Super Sentai Series, Tokumei Sentai Go-Busters, Tokusatsu
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Changing the ending a little bit there, F/M, Gen, What Was I Thinking?, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:20:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27938742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atmospherical/pseuds/atmospherical
Summary: They've waited and trained thirteen years for this. They've fought, they've won and now it's time to go home.
Relationships: Iwasaki Ryuuji & Sakurada Hiromu & Usami Youko, Sakurada Hiromu/Usami Youko
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	armour down

**Author's Note:**

> I've been rewatching TSGB for two weeks, back to back, to notice the small things I might have missed before. While watching the final episode, I had an evil thought to re-write the ending in a sort of 'what if' situation. Also, please don't ask me about the science because I'm not that genius. Besides, I'm here to bring the feels, not the algorithm.
> 
> I recommend listening to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rKwPblSdQA) to imagine what happened!

The rocky path beneath him felt like thousands of thorns piercing through his armor. He saw smoke all around the peripherals of his vision, the ache of fresh wounds and blood sending signals to his brain. All around him he saw statics and the collapsing of a structure - no, not a structure but rather, a curtain of layers that made up the subdimension's ozone shield. Cracks above his head were hissing, buzzing with white noise so loud he felt something warm dripping from his ears. _Blood_ , he deduced.

_Everything is falling apart._

To his left, he heard a groan. With blurry eyes, he managed to catch a shade blue. It took him a while (and a lot of blinking as well as head shaking to clear away the headache) to register that an arm in blue armour was reaching out to him – _Ryuuji_ , he thought. Throat dry and unable to scream, he wanted – needed to stand back up. The subdimension was falling apart on them and they _have_ to go.

First, he let out a low growl. Second, he let out a scream when the pain felt a little too much. There were cuts everywhere, traces of dry blood and open wounds tearing skins apart. He forced himself to stand up.

"Ryuu-san! We have to go!" his voice croaked but he didn't care. He wasn't going to let his friends die here. They've worked too hard for this for thirteen damn years – they _have_ to go home, all three of them with their respective buddyroids. Two voices – his father's and Jin's – rang loud in his head, screaming at them to go back to Jin's hangar and return to Earth.

"Ryuu-san, wake up! We have to move!" the structures behind them continued to crumble, quaking the ground he's standing on. He felt himself loosing balance, accompanied by the metaphorical needles stabbing his head repeatedly.

 _"Hiromu."_ he breathed a sigh of relief when Ryuuji moved to stand, helped by his buddyroid Gorisaki of course. Nick, too, was busy helping Usada fix his footing. Hiromu watched, one by one, as his teammates began to stand back up – _except for one person._

If it wasn't for Usada's frantic screaming, Hiromu would've probably done the same. Ryuuji, too, had a fearful look on his face. Hiromu knew the oldest Buster couldn't find a word to say because he, too, was stuck in the same position. His eyes were wide and he felt suffocated, suddenly realising how loud the sound of his own beating heart was.

There, before everyone else, was Youko with her eyes closed. Wounded and bloodied with sweat and dirt sticking all over her forehead and cheeks like everybody else, _she was not moving_.

"Y-Youko?" Ryuuji was the first to run to her side. He almost fell in doing so and Gorisaki had to rush to his partner's side but Hiromu knew he didn't care. Ryuuji was shaking Youko's shoulder and calling her to wake up. Usada, too, was screaming so loud Nick had to try and calm him down before he let off some actual steam.

Hiromu wanted to move but his feet weren't allowing him to. After the fight, he only had very few energy left before he'd let his knees fell. Watching a very precious friend, lying there on the ground motionless, Hiromu wasn't sure he could even walk, let alone run back to the hangar. He couldn't think, his mind was foggy. Behind him, the sound of crumbles and white noises grew bigger.

"There's still a pulse," Ryuuji spoke, "we'll carry her if we have to. We're going to fix this, we're not returning without her. Gorisaki, don't worry about me. I'll walk by myself. Please carry Youko-chan to the hangar."

"R-Ryuuji!" Hiromu knew Gorisaki wanted to protest, considering the wide puddle of bloodstain smearing through the fabrics of Ryuuji's suit.

"Gorisaki!" Ryuuji yelled, and sighed, " _please_."

For the first time ever, it was Ryuuji who made the call. Hiromu felt sick. He wasn't sure if the aftermath of a long, tedious fight just started sinking in or it was the thought of possibly losing someone very precious to him.

"Ryuu-san, we need to get going. The subdimension is falling apart any minute now, we need to teleport back," Hiromu swallowed his fear and continued, "Nick, help J out. Usada–" he paused, debating whether or not he should voice out his hypothesis right then and there but decided not to. At least Jin's hangar is a lot safer place to talk and discuss things and they should probably get there first.

Looking back at Youko's helpless body, he proceeded, "we'll talk later. For now, let's get to the hangar first. Let's go!"

Hiromu watched as Ryuuji struggled to walk, half limping through the pain with one hand on his lower abdomen, probably trying to keep pressure on the wound despite not knowing how deep or wide it was. Behind him, J was carrying Usada who couldn't stopped himself from emitting steam of distress. Hiromu himself, too, was wincing from a shoulder wound after the explosion. Apparently, a shrapnel from the explosion had found its way around. He could smell the stench of blood, though it's unclear whether it's his own or the blood on Youko's body. For someone who had been fighting many, many times, it was the first time Hiromu really felt nauseous from the sight of so much blood.

His ears were still ringing, his knees slowly getting weaker and Nick had to support him just to keep him awake. The bandage around his forehead, too, felt damp with blood. _There goes the wound again_ , he mentally groaned.

"Hiromu! Hang in there, okay? We'll be home soon! Hang in there!"

He nodded weakly, unsure whether he's assuring Nick or himself. He could only hope if they made it back home, it'd be all seven of them and not just six.

* * *

Nakamura Miho gripped her pen so tight her knuckles began turning white. To her left, Morishita Toru was frantically typing on the computer, probably trying to trace back _at least_ one Morphin brace signal. They've been at it for more than thirty minutes now and to no avail. Nakamura didn't want to predict the worse but she'd be lying if she didn't think of the worst had happened.

Behind them, commander Kuroki Takeshi had his face buried in his hands. The operations bay had never been this quiet and now, _now_ it's terrifying to be in it just _waiting_.

"Please be alright, please be–"

Then, like a miracle, came a beeping sound that sounded like church bells to Nakamura. She stood up the moment a voice spoke from the other end.

"Commander, Nakamura-san, Morishita-san.. it's Hiromu. We've transported."

Nakamura thought she had never run faster before in her entire life.

* * *

Hiromu was awakened by the smell of antiseptic and the continuous beeps of a heart rate monitor. Everything around him was white – the ceilings, the walls, the floors. It occur to him that he was indeed in the med-bay. _This sucks_ , he sighed. Every fibre of his muscle and bones hurt, the same thing could be said for his head and shoulders.

 _At least it's home_ , he thought.

The thought of 'home', however, sent panic down his spine. He remembered Ryuuji and Youko and...and _Jin._ If he were his old self, the thought of his friends as a place called home would've puzzled him. Now, though, it felt normal. Of course, Jin's sacrifice was inevitable – he wanted and had begged Hiromu, Ryuuji and Youko to understand, to agree on it. Still, that doesn't mean it didn't hurt at all.

"Hiromu?"

He turned around and found a concerned Nick. Concerned? No, wait. Nick sounded _more_ than just concerned. He sounded... _in pain_. Hiromu felt something just fell onto him, something heavy and discomforting. He wanted confirmation, not a wild guess. He wanted _proof_.

"Nick," struggling to sit up (only to wince and fall back to bed again), Hiromu curled his hand into a tight fist, "what is it? Are the others alright?" he paused and tried to calm himself, "is... Youko?"

"H-Hiromu, _I'm sorry_."

_Sorry?_

Immediately his face fell. He curled uncurled his fist. He could feel the painkiller slipping away from his system as he, once again, was engulfed by the pain in his head, his shoulder and just everywhere, really. _What does Nick mean by sorry? What was he sorry for? Where is Ryuuji? What– where is Youko?_

His mind raced in circles but there was no stopping it now. He may be attached to a cursed IV bag but that's not going to stop him from searching for both his teammates. There's no way he's losing both friends at the same day – no, he won't accept it. First Jin and now, what... Youko? The youngest in the team?

Hiromu had to yell at Nick and push the buddyroid with every strength he got (even if it means pulling the IV a little too hard). Nick tried so hard to push him back to his bed and Hiromu would have fought his own partner if only his knees didn't buckle the moment he tried to run.

"Hiromu!" Nick held both his free, unwounded arms tightly, "pull yourself together! You can see her when you're better!"

"Nick! What are you saying, I can still walk!"

"Hiromu! You're not the only one who lost a friend today so sit down and get better first!"

"What do you–" Hiromu couldn't continue when his head whirled as rapidly as a tornado, his ears ringing again and he fought back painful screams. One hand clutching the side of his head, Hiromu decided to give in and succumb to blackout.

* * *

Ryuuji wanted to punch things so badly he couldn't contain himself.

So he did what he wanted to do. He punched the wall and it formed a large crack. Behind him, Gorisaki was standing with his head looking down, his two hands balled up in front of him. Obviously worried for Ryuuji, Gorisaki, however, couldn't do anything but to let his partner let off some steam. Gorisaki, himself, still couldn't believe that they had lost not one, not two, but _three_ friends on the same day. In fact, he could still hear the sound of Usada saying 'goodbye' as he sacrificed all his Enetron so Youko could be transported back and yet...

"How did it turn out like this," Ryuuji spoke through gritted teeth, "Youko... Youko is the youngest... how is this even-"

"R-Ryuuji! Y-you're going to go berserk if you do that!" Ryuuji knew Gorisaki was right and he knew Gorisaki meant well. Still, he couldn't think of anything else other than anger. He could feel his own body temperature rising. The crack on the wall proved that much – one more punch and Ryuuji would've probably initiated a landslide of new catastrophe in the EMC. Nevertheless, Ryuuji couldn't feel anything except anger.

Growing up, Ryuuji had always considered Youko to be his responsibility. Losing her mother at the age of three, Ryuuji made up his mind that Youko wouldn't grow up feeling abandoned. He promised herself that he'd always be there to protect her, even if it meant killing him first. And yet, Ryuuji failed to do that. He didn't see it coming – the shrapnels, the explosions, _everything_. He didn't see it when a shrapnel pierced Youko's heart.

Ryuuji punched the wall again.

The three of them made a promise to return home safely. They spent thirteen years training, fighting down Vaglass with the aim to shut down Messiah and his minions. They've made plans on what to do after the fight ended. Youko even told him she'd be attending high school at one point. The three of them had promised to win and sure they did... but at what cost?

* * *

Nakamura stood in the morgue, cold and alone. Her eyes were red and swollen. She had been crying for hours and still, she could cry more. If only her tears could bring her back alive, she'd cry an ocean if she has to.

But the dead cannot be revived.

Nakamura knew she had to return to the operations bay. She knew she had to join the commander and Morishita because her responsibilities are waiting at her desk. Yet she couldn't bring herself to do so.

When she ran to the docking bay with Morishita after receiving Hiromu's brace call, Nakamura thought she was hallucinating. She couldn't believe her eyes at the sight of Usada being carried in J's arm, Ryuuji limping and supported by both Nick and an also-injured Hiromu. What sealed the deal was when she saw Youko's limp and weak body in Gorisaki's arms. Nakamura thought Youko never looked so small in her entire life, so frail and so... _quiet_.

Nakamura remembered every scene verbatim, like reciting a favourite film montage – except, in this one, it's a full blown chaos. Paramedics were screaming, running and Nakamura felt herself growing dizzy. Her knees almost gave way to gravity but she knew she had a job to do. She watched as Morishita supported Hiromu who whispered things through his pain. She saw him pushing the paramedics away, not wanting to be carried to the med-bay unless he explained everything that happened. Next, she remembered the horror across Morishita's face and J handing Usada to the maintenance staff. Like Youko, Usada looked... _lifeless_.

And then everything sank in.

They had won the war... _but at what cost?_

* * *

Hiromu starred at his reflection against the clear glass. Bandaged, tattered and bruised, his eyes were empty as he sat down on a long bench by the hallway. It was night time, the lights were off and no EMC staff would be roaming around the building again. He didn't know what he was doing, but he was just _there_ – sitting down and looking like his soul just died in the subspace. For once, he even told Nick he wanted to be left alone (though Nick had to constantly remind him that he's not fully recovered yet).

"So you're here."

Startled, Hiromu turned around and found Ryuuji. His arm in a sling, face badly bruised and head wrapped in bandage, Ryuuji looked just as damaged as he is or maybe even worse.

"Ryuu-san." Hiromu couldn't bring himself to say or ask anything. He wasn't sure if it's because he himself wasn't ready to hear the news or that he didn't want Ryuuji to break again. He had heard from Nick, about Ryuuji wanting to wreck and break and punch things apart. Ryuuji had overdone it at one point that the nurse had to re-do the bandage around his knuckle.

"Have you seen her body?"

Hiromu suddenly felt like something invisible constricting his throat. He found it difficult to breathe.

"I guess you haven't then," Ryuuji sighed, taking a seat next to him, "they said it was too late to save her. The shrapnel that hit her – it landed on her heart perfectly. They couldn't," Ryuuji had to curl his knuckle to avoid blowing himself up, "they couldn't help her. They thought she was already dead when we transported."

Hiromu knew of this the moment Nick apologised. But he refused to believe it. Even if deep down, he knew it was the truth, he still rejected it. After all, they had promised to return _together_ , didn't they? And Youko, he knew she wanted to do so many other things – she wanted to go to the theme park again, this time without any Vaglass interference.

Yet there she was, in the morgue, her body growing colder by the minute. There was never going to be any more of her bubbly smiles, her cheeky grins – her warmth.

"I'm sorry, Ryuuji-san." he lowered his head in embarrassment. For a team leader, he should have watched his teammate's back. He should have been there when the explosions rendered her unable to walk. He knew Youko has always been a capable person and he admired (admires) her for it. Nevertheless, Hiromu wished he could have done better job for the person he deeply, secretly loves.

"If that was your fault, then it's mine too," Ryuuji replied, his face determined to let Hiromu know that none of this was ever his fault, "this wasn't anyone's fault, Hiromu. It's collateral damage. If you want someone to blame, blame it on the Vaglass, blame it on Enter – anyone but yourself."

"I..." he paused, "I miss her, Ryuuji-san."

Hiromu let out a forced, sorrowful laugh. To Ryuuji, Hiromu had never looked so small. He had always looked so tough and brave and level-headed that Ryuuji forgot he was eight years younger than him. The image of a leader fell apart to pieces and Ryuuji noticed Hiromu's hand covering his own eyes. Still, Ryuuji wouldn't be Ryuuji if he failed to notice Hiromu's desperate attempt in holding himself together.

"Don't we all?" Ryuuji forced himself to smile. Hiromu bit his lip, the kind of habit he unconsciously always does whenever he's trying to hold back tears. Unlike Hiromu, Ryuuji let himself cry in silence.

All of a sudden, the dark hallway of the EMC building grew louder with guilt and loss.

* * *

A funeral was held. The entire EMC staff had transformed the assembly hall into a funeral setting. There were bouquets and bouquets of arranged flowers and everyone wore black. There was also a casket at the centre of it all – one that both Ryuuji and Hiromu still couldn't stomach to see.

Nakamura was dabbing handkerchief to her eyes, Morishita was trying his best not to cry. The commander, ever so firm on daily basis, lowered his head and looked up the ceilings, a gesture to prevent himself from sobbing out loud. Ryuuji leaned against the wall, hiding himself away from prying eyes. He knew the EMC staff meant it well but Ryuuji wasn't in the mood for people showering him in sympathy.

"R-Ryuuji?" it was Gorisaki, his expression worried and concerned as usual. Ryuuji patted his partner's shoulder, as if to say that he's alright, even though both of them knew it was a lie. Ever since what happened, Gorisaki's paranoia for Ryuuji had elevated to an entirely new level. Ryuuji never complained about it though. He, too, understood that Gorisaki just lost a friend. Like Nick said, without Usada around to make a fuss, both he and Gorisaki felt like something's missing

"By the way, Gorisaki, have you seen Hiromu?"

"A-ah, about that..."

* * *

"Hiromu, don't you think it's time to attend the, uh.. funeral?" Nick stared at his partner sternly, waiting for a response.

The past few days had been awful for the Red Buster. Hiromu had been missing sleep and there were eye bags forming around his eyes. If Nick didn't know better, he'd have thought Hiromu had magically bruised himself again. But Nick and everyone including Rika knew that he was missing sleep on purpose. At night, he'd be screaming names like his life depended on them – sometimes it's Jin's, but most of the time it's Youko's. Occasionally, Nick also busted Hiromu eating sweets alone even though chocolate bars were never his thing. When approached, Hiromu would put up a front. Nick never really saw him cried, not even once. Even when he was about to do so, Hiromu would try his very best to hold back.

 _Emotions cloud judgment_ , he said once. But Nick knew his partner needed a good cry so badly it was starting to take a toll on his mind.

"One more lap, Nick." Hiromu, unable to look at Nick, pretended to stretch his arms and legs to prepare himself for another run.

"You've been saying that since twenty minutes ago. It's time to stop, Hiromu," Nick stood in front of him, blocking his way, "Hiromu, it's alright to grief! You have to let yourself grief!"

"Move, Nick."

Even behind that tough front, Nick could see Hiromu's anger. He's not his partner if he didn't sense Hiromu's grief for Youko. She had always been more than just a teammate to Hiromu. She was someone he'd desperately protect, someone he'd die for. Hiromu would never admit it out loud, afraid of her finding him annoying, but Nick knew than most that Youko had always been more than just someone he made a promise to thirteen years ago.

He'd never say it out loud but he loves – _loved_ her.

"No, Hiromu," Nick crossed his arms, "I'm not letting you run away from grief. This isn't like you, Hiromu. And you must stop blaming yourself for Youko's death!" Nick knew he had pressed Hiromu's vulnerable points too much but he kept going anyway, "by not seeing her one last time, wouldn't that be the same as abandoning her?"

Hiromu snatched a bottled water from Nick's grip, loosened the cap and drenched himself in it. Water droplets dripped from his hair as he bent forward. Nick thought his partner might have exploded.

Instead, he heard a half-choked sob.

"Hiromu." Nick sighed, suddenly feeling sad as well. Though only a buddyroid, Nick too missed Youko and Usada terribly. Nick, too, still recalled the old times when he and Usada would talked about Youko's potential future partner, a budding relationship of some sort. Most of the time, Usada had expressed major distrust and disapproval towards the possibility – until he saw how Youko's eyes beamed brightly whenever she's making fun of Hiromu. Usada never wanted to believe it at first, thinking Youko's too good for Hiromu, but when data readings revealed the spike in Youko's heartbeat whenever Hiromu's around, that's when the rabbit buddyroid admitted defeat.

Hiromu stretched his arms and straightened his back. Nick noticed his eyes had went red and brimming with tears waiting to fall as he looked up the sky.

"Ah~ How did we get to this point, huh..." Hiromu spoke, grief written all over his voice, "tough luck, I was about to ask her to the amusement park after we defeated Vaglass for good. You know, to make up for lost times when she was kidnapped by Tubaroid." he let a tiny smile slipped by, one that could never reached his eyes.

* * *

Everyone turned around and stared the moment he entered the hall. To see the EMC's assembly hall as a funeral setting made Hiromu feel uneasy. There's that knot in his gut again. It didn't help when everyone in the building practically looked at him as if waiting for some reaction. What was he supposed to do? How did they want him to react? Hiromu wasn't in the mood to be a leader today – he just wanted to say goodbye and be done with it.

 _Goodbye._ The word could slash his entire being like the shrapnel that pierced through his flesh, probably worse.

Hiromu tried to search for Ryuuji – the only person who could make him feel like he's not being inspected with a scalpel. Thankfully, Ryuuji understood his distress and quickly blocked his view.

"You're late."

"I know," he paused, "I'm sorry."

Ryuuji placed a hand on Hiromu's shoulder, "you have to stop doing that, Hiromu. How many years has it been since you joined the team? You don't have to carry the weight alone, you know." the words reminded him of Youko. She used to say that to him a lot, sometimes screaming to his face about how the team consists of _three_ people and not just one.

 _"If you something on your mind, just say so!"_ she used to say, _"for someone so blunt, you sure don't speak up when it comes to what you feel!"_

Hiromu smiled at the memories. Youko was right. For someone so blunt on daily basis, Hiromu never knew how to convey his feelings, especially when it comes to her. He wondered (and feared) if she was going to laugh in his face.

Walking pass Ryuuji, Hiromu's eyes landed on the casket a few more steps away from him. For a moment he felt the world around him shrunk, the room getting smaller and smaller. He had to look down on his feet when walking became heavier and exhausting – but he wasn't going to run, not today. Youko deserved better than him running away from reality. _Youko deserved better_ , he repeated.

Reaching the casket, he saw the amount of white lilies all around her. Ever since the news broke out, it was Hiromu's first time seeing her pale and lifeless body. Gone long was the warmth she used to project to the people around her. Instead, it was replaced by sheer cold as he touched her hand. It was the first time Hiromu touched a corpse and it just had to be _hers_.

Fingers trembling, he reached for his coat and took out a single red carnation.

* * *

Gorisaki was about to call Hiromu when Ryuuji stopped him. The buddyroid looked at him in confusion, only to be dragged away by Nick. Ryuuji shared a nod to Nick, both of them understanding why Hiromu had to walk away and leave the place as soon as he placed a flower in the casket.

Ryuuji took one last leap of bravery and approached Youko's casket again. There, Youko was holding a single red carnation surrounded by all the white lilies. Even without anyone saying, Ryuuji knew which flower was from Hiromu.

Forcing a smile, Ryuuji gripped the edge of the casket and mumbled, "Youko-chan, it was never a one-sided feeling. Isn't that good?" Ryuuji brushed a hand over his eyes. He had cried enough for everyone in the team. He had to stop.

And yet, he _couldn't_.

So he gripped the casket with both hands, watching Youko's colourless face once more and let himself cry once more.

Outside the hall, Hiromu didn't realised how he got there but there he was, in front of her bedroom. Knees weak, he finally succumbed to the gravity that's been pulling him all this time. He had walked out of the funeral, drowning in guilt from feeling like he couldn't do it. He just couldn't afford to be in that room, staring at a casket. He _won't_.

So instead, he sat on the floor in front of her room. He closed his eyes and leaned against it, finally allowing himself to embrace the grief that's been eating him inside out.

With head buried between his hands, Hiromu welcomed the sense of loss and longing that's been knocking the doors to his heart. The haunting of Youko's laughter and Jin's terrible jokes, the memories of explosions and blood and the cries of his fallen comrade and the person he couldn't convey his feelings to before it's too late (and now it is, too late) – he welcomed them all with opened arms. He felt the thorns, the vines and the poison all at once, crawling in his veins. He felt himself drowning and letting go, not wanting to fight against the swamp of despair pulling his conscience.

 _Once, just this once_ , he couldn't care less if anyone found him in such a state. He didn't care if he's making a fool out of himself. He couldn't be bothered to pay attention to his position as a team leader. He was too tired to put up a front, to run and deny and pretend like victory did not just cost him lots.

And for the first time since his return from the subspace, Hiromu finally allowed himself to cry.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, now that this is out of my system... I shall get to work for the next part of [Another Slope](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27875906) (which is NOT a sad HiroYoko fic *winkwink*)


End file.
